Why should I speak?

Why should I speak?

When words run through you like laser beams,
The same beams in the Star wars movie.
Why should I speak?
When you dissect every syllable
To match your own mental capacity.

Why should I speak?

When you decipher even the clearest wording.
Why should I speak?
When phrases become spears to you,
They stab you in ways that make them lose meaning.

Why should I speak?

When you fly to conclusions with no end point.
Why should I speak?
When ignorance has become your weakness,
Your surroundings motionless like the world is.

Why should I speak?

When even my grammar is not on point to you,
You google internally just to rid of all points.
Why should I speak?
When matters of the heart reside in a circus for you,
A clown created just to leave a frown.

Why should I speak?

When even alphabetically orderly sense never reaches you,
Your brain has a wall of China.
Why should I speak?
When mornings become the aftermath of your wrath,
The weight of reality and mental stability lose you.

Why should I speak?

Why should I paraphrase?
The systematic of human understanding to suit you,
When your narrow mind sees in thin vision.

Why should I speak?

When all I want is just to speak,
Just one line in a sentence,
A sentence in a not to happen paragraph,
When long before one word blasted a hole in the earth.

Why should I speak?

Why though,
When the depth of my excitement reached the North Pole
Where even lava from your condescending reply is solid.

Why should I speak?

Are you worthy of my mental compilation?
Why should I speak?
When you are just keen to slaughter the motion of this pen,

Will I know?

Will it matter?
Do you matter?
Oh why should I speak?

I fucked up

Yeah I did, very bad

Fell into a pit of the unknown
I got burned by fires that had no origin
I did that with shame and disgrace
I hurt the hurt that came back to hurt me

The need to breathe through
The nerve of wanting to survive
I was swallowed by undescribed events
Events of sorry and stupidity
Woke up with a pain on the side of my soul

As I search for a lane to run on
The reality that spoke to me in tongues
The clarity that rose from bleeding eyes
The beat that was shared as tears filled my palms
While at it, I saw an empty future
The reason to stop breathing
No joy was seen nor felt
I would run through archives of mislead words
Words that needed proper grounds to stand on
Shit I fucked up…!!!

Even my hands would not dig out this grave

Selfish thoughts that had me not brave
Pause, slow down, I need to save
Save the little space left in my soul
Just to redeem myself
This was not the aim, yes I said it.

I went to bed in an empty room
A room full of echoes that lead to banging walls
Shaking floors and a not so secure structure
This was to redefine self-hate
A bag full of regret dragged in a slow pace

I fucked up and saw today shatter between the pages of my life

No hard copy was available
There was nothing hard about my actions
Laser beam eyes that saw through time
From the sad present to the beginning of it all
I never felt a smile, just ripped apart from where I stood
Yes I said it…

I FUCKED UP!!!

I don't know

I don’t know where I was last night

All those hours I spent in no man’s land
No trace or memory of anything
I don’t know the place
Nor do I know the location
Been there through but still don’t know

I don’t know where I was last night

I couldn’t speak of it, the darkness was overwhelming
I don’t know why I went
How do I go to a place I don’t know?

This place is not known to people around me

Stories flying around which makes no sense
The question still stands, Where, Why, How?
The scenery said a lot
The pulse that never skipped a beat
The worry in my heart so heavy
That my mind ran over time

I don’t know where I was last night

Even though I saw the light of day
At the end of it all, I ran a race with no finish line
Hanging by a thread of questions with no answers
It took hours to return with my soul
The destination with no smile

I really don’t know where I was last night

Should I be happy that I returned?
Should I be questioning it all?
Spinning mind set on auto pilot
As heavy as my heart was, reality still saves time

I don’t know where I was last night

But I’m really glad that I went…

I don’t know

i am not naive

I am not naïve

I will not perpetuate a stereo type of mindless people
People who seek attention
I will not stoop any lower than the hurt bought forward
The spirit will always shine with smiles
Save me from the conceptual stupidity that runs in people’s blood
Souls which are not intended will never burn
Those intended will rise above,
Rise above with the intention to live and smile more

I am not naïve

The fire will always burn out
Not that it matters to some
But the observation of seeing a tree grow from ashes
It will overwhelm even the most heartless creatures
God sees the hurt and shares the pain
Yes, it never seem to be profitable
Because shallow minds only see in narrow visions
The power shown will not be to define
It will be to reintroduce

The pain will mellow in time

The frown will disappear
Beat the heart and listen to the power of reproduction
The power of humanity
Speed is always slow when intentions are mentally deranged

I am not naïve

I will look at stars while I count my blessings
Every breath of fresh air will be a symbol
Every sign will be clear
Forget about space when people’s mentalities are measured by actions and words
I am not naïve

Redefine your views and look at me again

Look at me closely.
I am not naïve….

Pieces Of Me

That heart beat that was never felt

Losing its own count
Ripped from the throat down
Suppressing all voices

Eyes that never saw

Pierces through to my soul
I guess those windows are tinted
Banging sounds that echo in my ears like explosions
When lungs don’t produce anymore
Frozen and need no donor

Rib cages braking in

Stab wounds at multiple spots
You could open and see
It’s not a puzzle
Organs burning with shock
Death of dirt inside

Am I breathing or static reacting to life?

My skull with scars visible to the naked eye
My words as tubes to feed those scars
These are not beats or pulses
Pieces that combined with age

Sizes of veins bigger than the amount of blood

My knee caps shifted because I kneel
My faith and believe is much stronger
Pulled strings like guitars on muscles
Face off, face on

Volcanic eruptions through my pores

My hair lifted and pointed in pain
Is that my brain?
My physical support is not structured when I’m standing
Take my hands and spread them

Let my feet bleed and burn with that distance

Pieces of me, let me be me in those pieces.
Pieces Of Me…

This is the time

This is the time

 

This is the time

The time I never knew existed
The time I never saw be created
This is the time I stand up and believe
The time I never shine dim deep in the dark
This is the time all beats in my heart become reality
All thoughts in my head brake through all the barriers

This is the time people said will never haunt me

Yet again in reality it surely did
The symphony of my blood travelling through me
The time I just wanted to stop
Pause, stop, breathe, stop and look at this time

This is the time that always mattered

With its surprise appearances
This is the time we all waited for
Patiently thinking out loud
Bashing our heads with misunderstanding
This is the time we just wanted to shine bright during each day
This is the time

I question not only the existence of time

But the ability to let this time take over me
This is the time that they always claimed, flies.
In the mist of it all, is still the same time that stands still
This is the time I decide to matter
Changes that change inevitably become clear

This is the time the ball in this pen never runs dry

The time comparison thoughts become useless
This is the time I just want to let simmer
Let it mold me from within
This is the time when directions never need a compass
Time itself never needed to be shaped round

This is the time I run through archives of misplaced words

Words that never fit anywhere
This is the time when rage will not save a soul
This is the time I just want to be free
This is the time when that freedom will be weight against comparison and selfishness

The time that knowledge will be tested against history

The time that will leave you beaten
The slams of life, the tests of your trust and believe
This is the time that will matter even after I stop writing
The time that I wish I could stop

The time people always wish to rewind

This is the time you just want to let it be
That time we wish would last forever

This is the time to wake up, stand up

And be blessed at being your best.

That time

That time

I let time

I let time control me, engulf me and lead me

I let time define me, structure me and mold me
I let time resent me, hate me and hurt me
I let time have it’s time with me
I let time be time in me
I let time

I let time grow with no end while I watched

I let time just consume me
It coloured me blind without hope
When my faith stepped back, time was in control
I let time

I let time stutter in me with no direction

I let time seem real when it was just an illusion
I let time cloud my judgement
I let time shape the results of my empty thoughts
I let time redirect me to a no man’s land
I let time

I let time predict peace when war just started

I let time pull me down when heights seemed farfetched
I let time carry me blind folded
When words needed light and time stood in darkness
I let time speak for me
I let time draw pages in my life
I let time sink me deep where motion is a myth
I let time

I let time move me, grab me and throw me

I let time become a creature in me
I let time say you’re done before I even started
I let time structure elements that do not exist
With its relevance to life that time never stops
I let time

It is sadness that time will not matter without me

It is the power that leaves me puce
I let time have anger and rage
I let time, time and when it stopped I had no time left
There was no story to tell without time
No destinations that had time
Because time was given leeway to be time
I let time

That’s the time we need

Time we seek
Time that should bring a difference
Time that will bring sanity
But I should not let time be

That time

When I let time.