Drugs

The synopsis of trying to fit in,
The thoughts of losing your touch with the outside world,
The feeling engulfing you with posture of satisfaction that is not in your heart to feel.

Through the bloodstreams it flows,
Through your mind it posts an illusion that takes you for a ride,
Day light breaks the containment that structures your night with loneliness,
and the same position that you find yourself in must be very elite as it still brings pain.

They will not change and they will not prosper your being,
What they will do, they will eat you from within, intercontinentally tearing your esteem apart,
Killing what’s left of your confidence and with every injection or drag,
The days you have on this earth will be to a minimum.

With every breath you take that should be to empower you, will be screaming for more.
Yes I will still look at you funny, because from the first day you started you knew things will change,
Yes it’s called “an addiction” and you are caught up.

Who am I to speak, when I live in a society that’s does not believe in self-inflicted pain?
The society that is always pointing fingers as to whom the blame should be on.
Who am I to question your satisfaction and happiness?
Who am I to think what you are doing will only destroy you?
Who am I to think if I let you in my life, I will actually be saving one?
Who am I to push you in the streets on an empty stomach?
Who am I to let you freeze in this cold weather?
Who am I to think you are not educated?

Well I am the same person who still believe in self-inflicted pain,
I am the same person who will tell you everyday that what you doing is wrong and it will destroy you.
I am he same person who will try my best to help and still be limited by nature.
I will be the same person who will read on your behalf and who will know the exact dangers and symptoms of what you letting your life be drained by.
I will be the one who will feed you for a limited time only as my patience will wary thin.

I must speak like I have no idea what you are going through,
Well honestly, YES I have no idea and by the looks of things I thank the lord that I will never find out.
With every heart beat that you feel and every cold front you will be going through, just know that all this is because of you,
I will not hate you for your being,
I will hate you for taking my brother and sister.

Turning them into hoodlums and making them abandon the very people, who love them, in the name of a craving,
YES I said it, “curse you” for that,
I now live in a society of fear because of you.
My brother will never know the feeling of love,
My sister will never know how to be loved and held close.

I hate you and I hate all that you promote and condone.
I don’t care if I lose the plot here,
“LISTEN” is the main word here,
The world is cruel
The seas are heavy
The rain is scarce
Love is in the heart,
Keep it up and you will never know it….

“Curse you and leave my brother and sister alone”
Curse you…
Deranged, Raging, Under God’s System.

DRUGS!!

Diaries of an introvert

These words never go public,
This air never fills in my presence.
I could write on walls and not be ashamed.
The world becomes too much to bare sometimes.

The "Me time" is always salvation.
I never knew that these four walls could engulf me this much,
These floors could have so much power.
I'm not angry at the world,
My sanity is not distinguished by the next person.

"Me" is all that keeps me going.
I walk amongst all and even partake,
But it is on this paper that my ink defines me.
I run at a slow pace as to not give myself away.
The craving of my own space always feeds me.

My life could be a one page novel,
Noone could ever read it entirely.
I know there's more words than the naked eye could see.
Right there when my own thoughts echo without distraction,
When my plans come to life,
I sit still in silence and let it all consume me.

This is "Me",
This is my space,
My territory,
Where I could just be "Me" without any explanation to anyone.
Words always flow non stop because I am with "Me".

I connect with myself on a level that cannot be described.
This is not a survival tactic,
When it comes to this place I never intentionally bar people.

This place redefines me.
The only place where "Me" can go against "Me".
The thought of it all overwhelms me.
It feels like an addiction.

My heart knows at this point,
At this place,
Floating in my own space,
There is no boundaries.

Tears can flow without notice.
Body temperature can change against the forecast.
I am "Me" even when the world sees different.

Right here, I feel myself.
Right here, I love myself.
Right here, I am protected by these walls.
Right here, the floor is my cushion.
Right here, this air keeps me going.
Right here, these words are "Me".

Noted: It becomes a need at times.

"This Cave Took Me"!!!

This is written with a heavy heart.
Every soul that echoes in the mist of darkness.

No light came to save,
No heartbeat survived.
The cave that consumed it and them all.

The hollow and horror that came with it.
The eyes that stood there dripping with pleasure.
Giving in came as a cloud that had no chance of any light.

That smile that would never be seen,
Humanity that will never see a day again.
Loud quests as to "WHY"?

Did my walk accept an invitation to your cave?
Did my smile give me away?
The day we forgot came in fast,
High speed of ones life to a cave that has no return.

That day was when trash was formed.
That day was when voices were loud.
That day most eyes saw.
That day became to heavy to bare.

Know and see that the cave is a thread on your Time Line.
Engulfing the purest even,
Those heartbeats that stopped.
Those eyes that only saw darkness to the end.
Red from the never ending flow of tears.

That blood that poured out not by choice.
To the soul that never said good bye.
From a soul that smiles deep in pleasure and thirst.

"This Cave Took Me"
Written on walls with pain and blood
"This Cave Took Me"
There is no tomorrow to look forward to.
Not even a today that had long hours.
It came too fast but lasted too short.
This heavy heart dragged these words out,
But the results came too...

This is it!

There's too much pain in my thoughts.
Too much weight in my actions.
Sadly the efforts redirects to dackness.
Light becomes a myth not to question.

My eyes bleed.
There's no point when the morning is equivalent to midnight.
No sunshine, no breeze, no fresh air.

No words can save me,
No motion could move me,
Rigid in pain that needs healing.
The power is not set in me but around me.

Go ahead, envy what you don't know.
Let all my secrets engulf me,
There's no salvation in sight.
The pain deepens with every breath I take.

My soul shakes with every wish I have.
My faith trapped but not shaken.
The light is not near,
The distance mutilated what my feet can bear.

The cover on my face is blank,
Not dark.
All my hopes sit flat on the banks of a wishing river.
It will not change, nor will it matter when my mind gives in.
It has been a while but the taste still sickens me to my core.

The plan is set, the idea is there,
But time is in question or is it timing?
The rest of it will always ache.
I will bare it all.

I never knew pain to be so calm.
All comfortable to a point that change dismantles the very brain keeping it in.
I can feel it.
My neck shifts in spasms trying to keep it sane.

Will the light make it here?
Will this darkness leave?
Will the power within me show,
Or will I just have to deal with it?

I ask where, how and why?
Is my existence pleasure to this pain?
Does this pain know that I can feel it?
Does this darkness know that I'm not going anywhere?

Give light a chance to shine.
Give me a chance to smile.
It is in me and not on me to show.
I cannot pretend when my insides are shredded to the bit of what I long for.

Yes this pain is painful.
This is the time!

A Letter

I will write you a letter

Put it in a bottle
Throw it in the sea
And hope it finds you.

It will have words that redefine distance

The stance I have, hope it shortens space
A description of a beat that originates from deep,
Deep from a broken heart.
The flow of thoughts that miss,
Even in happy days.
The lack of strength to hold on
But with the will to move on
Where realities are not meet in darkness,
They meet in light that has faith.

I will write you a letter

Put it in a bottle
Throw it in the sea
And hope it finds you.

It will be my testimony that my feelings are real.

The patience my mind has
To every little thing that moves
I will write without speed so my tears can live
They will not be grounded
They will form spots that will be traced
Time will not matter as the wait was not meant
The meaning will be to you
The reaction will be to the bottle
I will write with passion that shows me
Every syllable will be me
Every line and every phrase.

I will write you a letter

Put it in a bottle
Throw it in the sea
And hope it finds you.

I tried everything to shine by your side

The distance became a definition
All avenues were meet and the kick was not expected.
I will look at my time, time and again
Again and again
My heart will be heavy
My soul will be shifted
Nights will not see the light of day
My days will never look forward to any darkness
My mind speaks through those words
I will not move, I will watch the bottle float
While it floats into space
I have already been feeling that with you
The space that distanced itself from the warmth

I will write you a letter

Put it in a bottle
Throw it in the sea
And hope it finds you.

My pores will drip with anticipation

My life will rotate with a pause
I hope it finds you and hope it’s not too late
My sanity does not depend on it
But it thrives to see pleasure
Whether in words or in physics
I would have spoken, seen through it all
Gotten a beat down as well
I will always stand even though not straight
In my letter it will all make sense
It will always make sense to you

I will write you a letter

Put it in a bottle
Throw it in the sea
And hope it finds you.

I will write you a letter,

Put it in a bottle,
Throw it in the sea
And hope it finds you.

Botshelo

The only time I cry
It's when I see my boy grow well.
The only time I cry
Is when I am thankful to God for the opportunity to raise him.

The only time I cry
Is when I look at him smile with pleasure.
The only time I cry
Is when my heart beat for him.
The only time I cry
Is when all the early mornings and late nights have bought meaning.

The only time I cry
Is when I see him sleep peacefully knowing that I'm here for him.
The only time I cry is when my soul smiles for him.

When I stop crying I would have done my best when it comes to him.
The next time I cry, you will be a grown man and I would have did you right.
Lead you in the right path.
I always remember the only time I cry.
Every time I do, I'll always smile for you my boy.
The reason I cry, Botshelo...

i was a gangster

I was a gangster

I was a gangster living in one room

With walls that engulfed me
Sounds of silence eating me up
Far from the world with no sunshine
All I could feel was warmth
Warmth of my blood flowing down my body
Scratching, trying to find a way out
The pain that showed me no mercy
Did it matter, was it worth it?
I don’t know
Consumed by darkness
I wanted to keep strong
Keep my cool

I was a gangster

Self-acclaimed
I never knew what was required
I never saw what was showed
I just wanted to be seen
These walls were holding me back
Losing my nails by the day
The eagerness to escape this one room
To explore and live up to my name
Sadly the world was not looking for me
I’ve been in so deep, even an escape will not free me

I was a gangster just writing on walls

Trying to be cool, fit it
With that, I forgot to stand out
I knew every inch of that room
While trying to find myself
It was hard to bare
The heavy heart was burning me
My body was shaking because my mind was lost
I was a gangster and confined to one room

It was not my destiny

But it became my path
No light at the end of the tunnel
As all this darkness is all I had
Hope had no room
Faith lifted me only for reality to slap me down

I was a gangster living in one room

Trying to find my way out
Trying to set my soul free
Banging on walls to keep myself sane
Stumping on the ground to shake my purpose
This room was torture
This room was a lesson
Never again, I said.

Being a gangster was not worth being trapped in my own mind

Mental slavery
As I set my mind free
I’m not a gangster anymore
My body is free
My mind is clear
I left that room and started living
Broke down those walls and started thinking

I was a gangster to my own mind

I was a gangster and never again...